was veryy sad and moody ytd... :(((

haizzz...

idk..?..
well..

i guess..

i jus hate it.
hate myself.

for. til now.
till now,
i realised i still do care actually.

hving know the truth
and hv been hurt silently for umpteen times,
how dumb and stupid can i be?

i still care, up til now.

like seriously,
foolish.
no. not jus foolish.
what words more can describe me?.

seeing the writings and knowing its abt others and not me,
i dont know why.
but somehow,
i heart felt pain.

i still care.

i shouldnt be.

but well,

LIKE SERIOUSLY.
I SWEAR.

i alrdy gave up.
serious.

no feelings or hopes alrdy.
i swear.

after what i've gone thru,
i feelings are alrdy numb.

NO MORE FEELINGS ALRDY.

coz its really numb alrdy.
no feelings anymore.
no more.

and now,
i hate it.
i hate where the name comes out.
and i hate ppl saying abt me and * .

becoz i somehow hv the feeling that
stop saying bt me and * when we arent at all.

its alrdy the past.

i hope it is.

i really hope what i say is real.
but its really real though.

that kind of feeling.

i really hope.
hope that no more text and seeing.

so that i can really not think abt it anymore.
so that i make sure i can really.
it takes time yaa.

so i really hope.
no communications at all if can be.

i should quiet myself down.

bi really hope so.
but.
i dont wanna let * know.
becoz then it seems i hv a problem bt the same old problem again.
and then i'll feel even more dumb adn stupidier.

i want no one to know abt it.
no one.


and yeaa.
one thing i will always rmb.
what my bro said.

he saw me texting that time.

and he said.

" why still text w * when * dont even l me.
still keep harrassing and close w *,
dont you feel ashamed? "

thats kinda so str8 4ward insulting and hurting.

well i know.

i shouldnt hv.

i know alright.

now what?
what can i do?

do you think i want that?

like come on,
i should set my eyes further and wider.

yeaa. that should be.

everyth will be alright and back to normal.

next year.

i hope so.