haizzz... :(


today, before mummy went to work,,

we talked abt my piano.

yea,, i've been upgraded to grade 5 alrdy.

so yeaa, the fees increased again ofc.

hah..

same old problem..

and then my mum said things that made me soo damn guilty once again..

sighh
damn it why always bothering and worrying bt the same old problem?
that i should hv think of ways to solve it isnt it?
didnt i said i will try my best and practice hard?

haizz

and then my mum said, :

okayy, so three more grades and you can be a piano teacher alrdy. "


and in my heart,
i was like again ofc,
feeling so damn guilt as always.

and thinking
i can?

given my standard and my practices?

given my lazyness and not really understanding and good at it,

CAN I?

can i make it?

after bt 4 years if i can,
If i can get to grade eight....

there's still a deploma...

need to exam the deploma grade also to become a piano teacher..

well, yeaa,
mayb its still early and i still hv time to work hard on it?..

but seriously, to be truth and honest,

i hv no confidence @ all now..

given the mindset i hv that being a piano teacher is really not easy.

though last time i said confidently and blindly that i want to be one.

BUT, CAN I?

my mum has high hopes for me..

coz she has really put in alot of money investment for me to learn..

and she believes and trusts me to be one.

but i doubt myself becoz i know myself.

WILL I BE ABLE TO DO IT (then) ?


and my grandmother told me that i need to hv confidence.
like her,
not giving up,
trying and trying til she succeed,
cannot,
try again,
cannot again,
try again and again,
that kind of spirit of not giving up til you succeed.

thats what she told me.

but i told her back,

but i really hv no confidence at all.

sighh

well, thanks grandma, i know what you're trying to say and what you're trying to tell me,
encouraging me not to give up and keep trying no matter what.

thanks grandma.
i understand.

i will bear your words in mind,
hopefully again.
feeling so useless..?

CAN I DO IT? NOT GIVING UP? KEEP TRYING? CAN I SUCCEED THEN? CAN I?