hm and okayy.. now co ..

you know,, I'M SOOOOOOOOOO DAMN SUPERRRRRRR HAPPPYYYYYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SENIORS ARE COMING BACK TO JOIN US ON TUES !!!

WHICH IS LIKE IN 2 , 3 MORE DAYS TIME !!!

* TOTALLY CANT WAITTT !!! *

so gona pray hard for their last paper !!!

ohh and things i want to say ..

you know, it isnt what it should be and i shouldnt hv this thought ..

hving to loose passion and somewhat interest in what you love so damn very much previously.....

do you know how sad it is ?

heartbroken totally.

i feel so in the fault.

that its my fault of how co has now became .

i totallyyyy misssssss all those timessssss in co with the seniorssssss .... :'(

like so damn much. like totally.

and now?

sighhh

i wish i could speak up more. like what cher said.

i have to.

and i have to learn.

you know, it isnt easy for me.

i want to be strict. maybe firm.

perhaps i alrdy am.

coz i've been through those moments that .. and i want to really train my juniors well as promised and then together, we strive even well and harder for the next syf ..

but.

I FAILED.

TOTALLY.

TOTAL FAILURE.

i aint even close to my own juniors.

how to even ?

do you know its so heartening ?

do you think i dont want to be close with them, laugh and play with them ?

do you know how much i wish i could like communicate with them just like frens ?

do you know how much i wished i could turn back time ?

maybe i was to firm ? was i ?

i was like so mad.

and idk ..

coz if i dont say them , then they wont know they did wrong and they wont listen.

do you know how pain i'm feeling deep down?

feeling so damn a failure to be a leader ?

i felt i have let the seniors down.

and did not take care of co well .

i guess my juniors dislike me coz i'm the fierce one .

but i HAVE to be the 'bad guy' .

coz someone have to.

coz you cant hv two sl's both so 'soft' ?

perhaps all i thought was wrong too?

perhaps they didnt even take me as one ?

i really dont know ..

i'm jus always feeling that i hv let seniors down and i'm sucha failure towards co ...

BUT.

leadership camp .

becoz leaders see differently, so they act differently and produce different results.

and i will.

i will speak up more.

i will do my best.

and i will.

i really hope i can.

i shouldnt even hv this thought thou .